Cognitive Hypnotherapist and Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner in Kingston Surrey
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Author Archives: Jill Tonks

Don’t turn away…keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That’s where the light enters you. – Rumi

A simple message about where we find the most learning. Change isn’t always easy but it’s always possible.

A few months ago I was in a meeting in a very tatty probation groupwork room frequented by a wide range of non law abiding bods and came across this gem of a quote:

‘Between stimulas and response is a space. In this space lies our freedom to choose our response. In these choices lies our potential for growth and happiness’

Victor Frankl

A Gift to Future Generations

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       I’ve been facilitating the Penn Resilience Programme as part of the UK How To Thrive team . This is a 5 day teacher training programme equipping teachers to teach year 7 pupils how to flourish mentally and emotionally.

                                                                                                                                                                                       

What are the core skills?

  • Emotional intelligence – how to identify emotions in yourself and others, express them appropriately, manage and regulate them and experience more positive ones.
  • Optimistic thinking – look at what’s controllable, focus on outcomes, stay in the real world
  • Flexible and accurate thinking – how to broaden perspective.
  • Impulse control – how to develop skills to manage negative thoughts and feelings
  • Self efficacy – build confidence in your strengths and know how to use them
  • Connection and reaching out – use others appropriately

The first part of the programme enables the teachers to practice the techniques for themselves. What a privelege for me to be part of the team facilitating the many light bulb moments in a room of 60 people. It’s easy to think that we get this stuff and we all do. The key is using it and putting it into practice. In part two,  the teachers practice teaching the skills.

Resilient teachers model and teach the skills to pupils – now that’s exciting!

Resilient teachers, resilient pupils and the whole school thrives – that’s amazing!

The feedback on this programme so far which has been piloted for the last 3 years is showing what a difference we can make to young people’s mental and emotional health.

Now that’s a gift to our future generations!            

                                                            

For further information on the various programmes available as part of this groundbreaking project http://www.howtothrive.org/

For an overview of the content see ‘The Resilience Factor’ by Karen Reivich, Andrew Shatte

Stress affects fertility

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http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/05/110509150845.htm

A new study published June 1 inFertility and Sterility, a publication of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine, shows that women who participate in a mind/body program for stress reduction while undergoing IVF treatment have a significantly higher pregnancy rate than those who do not (52% versus 20%).

This study supports what is well known in the field of fertility- stress impacts on women’s ability to get pregnant. Stress triggers our in built survival response and in evolutionary terms, it makes no sense to have children if there is a risk to their survival. Our modern brain doesn’t distinguish between day to day stress and life threatening danger-it’s all lumped in the same pot and is dealt with by the limbic system, the older part of the brain. 

Stress management and relaxation techniques can radically reduce this response which is why it makes such a difference to fertility levels. So often you hear of couples conceiving whilst on holiday- this is why – relaxation and fertility go hand in hand.

Hypnotherapyis a great way to learn how to reduce stress as well as deal with the sources iof stress. For a free, half hour no obligation consultation, just give me a call.

Change can be easier than you think…..

There is no such thing as perfection

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AhaParenting.com

“Ring the bells that still can ring.  Forget your perfect offering.  There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” — Leonard Cohen

This article from Aha parenting explores one of the most common challenges of being a parent how to get it right. When you can begin to accept that parenting is a learning process like any other, it involves making mistakes along the way and using the learning from that to guide you.

I work with a lot of parents who get stuck and worry about the impact of their issues on their children or just don’t know how to manage the different stages that children go through. When parents get back in touch with their own resourcefulness and strengths, it’s one of the best gifts you can give your children because suddenly the clouds part and you can tune in again to your own innate sense of what your children need.

What Kind of Water are you swimming In?

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How you affect or are affected by the people around you.

www.mercurynews.com

This article about facebook demonstrates powerfully how we can affect people around us by the positive or negative quality of our communication and also how susceptible we are to the emotions and moods of others.

Cognitive Hypnotherapy is a solution focussed approach that focuses and builds on individuals’ strengths and resourcefulness. I work with many clients who have been to see counsellors, therapists and even psychiatrists who have been overwhelmed with their ’diagnosis’, understand their problem inside out but say that talking about it just made them feel worse. Now we know why.

I’m not just concerned with you understanding your issues, I’m interested in how you want to create a different future for yourself and I believe you already know that but just aren’t aware of it yet! My job is to support and guide you to get back in touch with all your potential, to educate you and teach you powerful techniques to get back control and stay in the driving seat of your life.

You are the average of the five people you spend most time with’ Jim Rohn.

What kind of water are you swimming in your life? Take a look around you.

Mindful Mamma

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www.mindfulmamma.co.uk – supporting women to have the best birth possible.

My colleague Sophie Fletcher from Mindful Mamma is training midwives about hypnotherapy for childbirth and the psychology of birth. She asked several mums what’s the most important they would’ve wanted from their midwife at their births and got these replies on facebook:

“Assuming everything’s going to plan…sit back and go with the flow. Our midwife was brilliant and let us do what we needed to do – she was so relaxed by the CD and the general atmosphere that she dozed off! ”

“I asked for the room to be quiet, for me to be allowed to do what felt right, for discussions with my partner to occur elsewhere. While labouring in the pool in my front room, the 3 midwives were discussing the eastenders plot and my partner was playing on his laptop.In the end I told everyone to leave me the hell alone. Not what I would’ve wanted. Next time I’m putting my foot down more!”

‘The best thing when I was labouring with my second at home was the midwives letting me follow what my body wanted to do naturally with minimal intervention. I knew they were there if needed but was allowed to trust my own instincts.”

‘To let my partner know what non medical supports there are available eg blocks, aromatherapy, candle effect lamps, labour shapes etc. Really maximise offers of all the things that are available to support a calm and active birth. They are aware of what they have, we are less clued in.”

‘Tune into my (the birthing mom’s) intuition …. work out what I am trying to say and never ever ever argue or overpower me in any way whatsoever. If I question ANYTHING during the birth, back off in that place. A birthing mom does not have the extra capacity to stand up for her rights.”

Hypnotherapy for childbirth enables you to work in partnership with your mind and body for the best birth possible. I work with you and your partner to take control of yourselves and the environment and to leave the labour and birth to your body and mind’s innate knowledge and skill .

I run the mindful mamma express groups in the South East and also offer women and their partners one to one sessions. If you want to have a free, no obligation chat about how I can help you to have the best birth possible, get in touch.

What can you control in your life?

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I was working with a client with anxiety recently who brought me a 2 page list of all the things that were troubling her. As we went through the list she was becoming more and more heavier with the worry and the stress of everything going on around her.

This simple exercise helped helps to make sense of what you can and can’t control and then begin to focus on what you can do rather than what you can’t do.
Write down all the things that are on your mind and concern you.

Draw a circle within a circle and on the inside circle write down all the things you can influence from your list.

Then you can begin to make a plan about what needs to happen next. Some things we can control and some we can’t. By focussing our mind on this it helps to engage the logical problem solving part of the brain. If there are things that still concern us but we can’t influence, you can still manage your response to these things. If you choose to focus on what you can’t control, it’s usually accompanied by a flood of negative emotions which disable our higher thinking processes.

Try it, my client found it one of the most useful starting points in our sessions together.

Change can be easier than you think

It reminded me of this – the serenity prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference

Who do you spend your time with? (and what does that say about you?)

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This interesting blog from Trevor Silvester from the Quest Institute raises some interesting issues about how your environment and the choices you make reflect who you are because of our need to conform. Take a look around you are you happy with what you see?

Clients who come to see me for hypnotherapy change their lives from the inside out and are often surprised at the different choices they make in their lives.

mulberry keyring

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