Cognitive Hypnotherapist and Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner in Kingston Surrey
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How is your innate wellbeing is not dependent on anything?

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I’ve been working with a client recently whose been through some very choppy waters in the last 6 months with significant health problems which have resulted in acute anxiety. She is also a therapist herself and even though she’s in this business, her mind plays the same tricks on her as anybody else’s and how does her inner critic respond to this? It uses it yet as another stick to beat her up with – nice!!

So I stole this question from a very good friend and colleague of mind, and asked her to consider it  – she couldn’t answer it. She’d been feeling helpless and hopeless. She truly felt dependant on her partner, her family, her friends and this troubled her. If your wellbeing is in the hands of others, that means you not in control and that your innate health is a bit like British weather, very unpredictable!

I got an email this week as my client started to have  better conversations with herself as she’d changed the wording in the question from ‘dependant on’ to ‘affected by’. This made a huge difference and she is now looking more and more for an inside out view of her own wellbeing which is nourished by others but not created by them.

When we find ourselves struggling with life stuff, we can look to an external source to get us out of it. It’s a trick the mind plays on us and to be fair , it’s good to look for support from others when we are feeling stressed or low. But what if the wellbeing that you experience when times are good or when you are on your annual holiday was always there, just sometimes you’d overlooked it.

Wellbeing is our natural reset button. You know that when you go on that holiday, it will come back easily with a bit of time. But so often in the heat of difficulties, we can forget this.  True wellbeing resides at your own front door;  so make sure you visit it regularly in whatever way works best for you rather than staggering from one holiday to the next hoping that that’s enough.

So innate wellbeing is a bit like the robin that appears in my garden every morning. If I wait long enough, it eats the bread right out of my hand!




Facts about Depression

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This Psyblog outlines the key elements of depression and gives some insight how to work effectively with depression on a physical, mental and emotional level. We all experience low moods from time to time but when this becomes a learnt pattern this moods can get deeper and last for longer. Simply being told to pull yourself together isn’t very helpful and prescribed drugs can be helpful but don’t get to the root cause.

Hypnotherapy can be very effective in helping you get back in control of the way you think and feel and building your sense of self again. Most of the clients I see experience anxiety and depression but none of us were born with these habits and whatever we can learn, we can unlearn. That doesn’t mean that change is always easy, but it’s always possible.

If you’d like to free yourself from the prison cell of anxiety or depression, give me a call, it could be the best decision you ever make…

Why sleep is important at any age

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This article draws on research illustrating the importance of sleep for maintaining physical, mental and emotional health.

Insomnia can become a chronic condition which can have a dire effect on our waking lives. It’s normal sometimes to have a sleepless night when you’ve maybe got something on your mind and the unconscious is trying to work it out for you. But for some people this occasional event can become an entrenched habit that can seem difficult to break. Sleep is the most natural thing in the world. We are programmed to rest and recuperate at night. If the unconscious is keeping you awake, it’s usually because its associated sleep with danger. Cognitive hypnotherapy is a very powerful way of retraining the unconscious mind to know that you are safe so normal sleep patterns can be resumed and you can benefit again from the value of a good nights kip!

Why are they happier than me?

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Happiness is…….

I wonder how you’d complete this sentence. This blog lists the 10 characteristics happy people have. How are you shaping up? February is my busiest time of year as in the midst of the end of winter and the expectation of new growth in Spring, it’s a good time to take stockof how things are for you.

‘How do you wake up in the morning – going ‘ Oh God here we go again’? You’d be on your deathbed saying ‘ At last! The day I’ve looked forward to all my life’ I don’t want to say that. I want to say ‘Oh Jesus Christ is that the time already?’ Billy Connolly

The brain likes a label

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How do you describe yourself when someone asks you? This post by Jonathan Fields made me smile and explores how we label ourselves. I wonder if you’ve had that experience of a long speech in response to a gentle opening question of ‘what do you do? ‘. I remember once, I went off, made a cup of tea and the person was still going when I came back!! Some people do like to give you lots of detail about their story.

So as much as I don’t like labels, people want them and when you are in business, you have to summarise yourself very quickly. So think carefully about how you do this it may tell you a lot about yourself. Then think about how others may interpret this. Consider how you want to be seen by different people in different situations and if you are not sure, get some feedback.

People reach a conclusion about you within a minute of meeting you so those first impressions, non verbal and verbal are very important. When I’m working with performance nerves, this is a key element of how to take control in those first few moments.

Turn performance anxiety into excitement and notice the difference that can make

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Change your perception of a performance anxiety to excitement and the results can be very powerful.

This psyblog evidences the power of perception. One of the keys goals of hypnotherapy is to train the mind to work for you rather  than against you and here is the science to show how easy this can be. Can you imagine how useful that could be to convert a negative response into a positive one in the moment so you could use this more positive energy to perform at your best?

The best way to anticipate the future

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Seth Godin sums up a way to anticipate the future – resilience to deal with uncertainty is what is required

Take action

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Trevor Sylvester from the Quest Institute discusses the importance of taking action to create the life you want. A simple message but a very common hurdle that I come across in working with clients.

The mind plays tricks on us and sometimes we tell ourselves that we are not in control and yet we are. If you look at something in the past that has happened that seemed impossible at the time and yet you got through it, how much more capable are you than you realise?. Don’t get me wrong, change isn’t always easy, but it’s always possible and here’s a quote from someone I heard being described this week as one of the most influential statesman of the century.

‘It always seems impossible until its done’ Nelson Mandela


Nelson Mandela on Fear

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‘It’s what we make of what we have, not what we are given that separates one person from another’‘I learnt that courage was not the absence of fear but the triumph over it. I felt fear myself more times than I can remember, but I hid it behind a mask of boldness. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid but he who conquers fear.’

Nelson Mandela

Get over yourself!

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Seth Godin in his recent blog on presentation fears identifies 2 key things presenters get wrong. Any teaching moment in a group or a one to one as a professional as a parent, as a friend isn’t about you, it’s about how you can offer something of value to the person or group you are engaging. The human brain is a funny thing! We tend to jump to conclusions about what’s right for the other party sometimes without checking this out. Every time some one asks us for something or outlines a problem they are having, our brain rushes to advice quickly; it’s just the way its wired! Cutting corners in tis way has given us an evolutionary advantage in emergencies! Their arent that many emergencies these days and when there is, its pretty obvious!

The skill in any conversation is working out how to enable your audience to reach their own conclusions by listening to you. There are so many creative ways you can do this. Telling stories is one of the most effective.

Did you ever wonder how a lobster grows bigger when it’s encased in such a hard shell?
When the lobster begins to feel cramped inside the shell, it instinctively looks for a place to rest while the hard shell comes off and the next shell forms. While this occurs, the lobster is vulnerable to attack or being thrown against a coral reef. The lobster must literally risk its life in order to grow.
Our lives are like this as well. In order to move out of our comfort zones, we must take risks; we must be willing to be vulnerable. If we don’t, we can’t grow. We can’t become all we were meant to be.
Sometimes, this growth occurs because of discomfort, boredom or restlessness. At other times, we’re faced with painful or even life-threatening challenges. All of these are usually signs that it’s time to come out of our old shell and create a new one.
Remember, there’s risk in changing, but even greater risk from NOT changing. We are becoming more than we have been with each year of our lives.
We all know when our shells have gotten too tight. We feel angry or depressed or frightened because life is no longer exciting or challenging. We are doing the same old things and beginning to feel bored. Or we are doing things we hate to do and are feeling stifled in our shells.

Some of us continue to smother in old shells that are no longer useful or productive. That way we can at least feel safe – nothing can happen to us. Others are wiser; even though we know we will be vulnerable – that there are dangers ahead – we realize that we must take risks or suffocate.

‘Life begins at the end of your comfort zone’ Neale Donald Walsh